India Itinerary

For those of you who have expressed interest/curiosity, here is my tentative itinerary for India (excluding specific dates).

I am traveling almost exclusively by train with the exception of Dharamsala which is only accessible by coach.

~Arrive Mumbai; staying with college friend

I'll spend 14 days in Mumbai

~train to Udaipur; lakeside guesthouse booked

spending 10 days

~train to Jaipur; couchsurf(.org) host arranged

spending 7 days

~train to Jaisalmer; couchsurf host arranged

spending 13 days

~train to Jodhpur; couchsurf host arranged

spending 5 days

~train to Delhi; couchsurf host arranged for all but 3 nights

spending 5 days

~train to Agra; guesthouse booked

spending 5 days

~train to Varanasi; guesthouse/cultural exchange booked

spending a full month

~return Delhi then on to Dharamsala (home of Dalai Lama)

spending a full month

~return to Mumbai for final 3 weeks

daytrip~Goa???

short trip Aurangabad/ Ellora and Ajanta Caves if finances permit

19 Days til Departure

Less than three weeks, now, til I board my flight for Mumbai.

It still seems very distant, removed, unreal.

My work season here in the Colorado Rockies just ended, and I am still living in my dorm room, not yet even entirely packed to return to Florida for the short rest in between adventures.

I am drained, emotionally and physically.

It has not quite sunk in yet (at least not completely) that I have survived yet another astonishingly difficult period of my life.

I have vowed NEVER to take on seasonal work in the park concessions system again.

I cannot pack for India until I get back and unpack in Florida...which is five and a half days from today.

So again, the theme is "limbo". I am stuck in some kind of middle ground.

Disconcerting.

Plans have been changed due to panic attack/mini-crisis, then changed back again. I now have all my inter-India rail tickets up until 31 December 2009...

I'll be ringing in the New Year on an overnight train between Delhi and Varanasi, and will start 2010 in one of the world's holiest cities.

It still does not seem real.

Tickets, and Trust

Tickets for planes and trains have, for the most part, been booked. I have my list of sites to see, though there is still some room for it to evolve.

Some days I feel confident and excited. Others, numb with fear.

I've heard many negative things about India, especially as a woman traveling alone by train.

But, I am going to trust the kindness of people who want the world to think highly of them. And not expect things to be like they are in middle class America.

This is, after all (amongst other things), a quest to rediscover faith in humanity, if not faith in something greater.

Like a crazy woman, I plan to bathe in the Ganges at Haridwar and maybe Varanasi and pray in temples the names of whose Gods I do not know. But the holy places...the temples and ruins...are extras.

What I'm really looking for is some kind of emotional cleansing, a healing...

In some ways this has already begun, as I take steps every day to reclaim my life.

I have not yet let out all the grief...the pain of losing my family, my innocence, of drugs and alcohol, the deaths of my Granny and my uncle...being abused and harassed and threatened by co-workers in the park concessions/hospitality work world...

The pain of leaving behind almost everything REAL about me in order to have a roof over my head and some kind of income.

My promise to myself is that after I come home from this trip, I will never compromise my work or life goals again.

I'm not sure yet how I will accomplish this, but I have voiced my intention and know I must move forward.

The trip to India, and everything that comes after, are, more than anything, about being who I am and doing what I love!

Zen and the Fear of Hell

My soul really wants to study, and hopefully absorb and FOLLOW, the teachings of Hinduism and Buddhism (Mahayana, esp. Zen).
However, the raised-Lutheran part of me has a real obstacle with this because I have such a deep-seated fear that I am gonna go to hell for forsaking the Christian God, even though I already despise the term Christian and disagree strongly with what passes as "Christian" behavior.
How on earth do I resolve this fear and contradiction?

I want peace...in my soul, on the planet, everywhere. Christianity cannot give me that.
I don't know yet whether Hinduism or Buddhism can...but I am determined to explore and find out.

My trip to India plans are developing and I know for certain that I will spend at least one month in Varanasi explorigin Hinduism, and hopefully an equal amount of time in Dharamsala learning about Tibetan Mahayana Buddhism.
After I return to the US I am hoping to move to a Buddhist center in California and spend a long time serving others while nourishing my spirit.

Whatever your spiritual path is, please pray for me.