Moving Ahead with India Plans

My visa was approved and I am moving ahead with plans for my return to India.
I plan to arrive in Mumbai on 14 October to visit my friend, recover from jet lag, and remind myself that, well, I'm truly back in India.
There are so many differences, both subtle and direct, and it will require shifting mental and emotional gears.
It doesn't happen over night.

I plan to spend about a week there before flying to Delhi. Last visit I did not spend any time in the city. This go round I'm thinking I'll spend a few days in Majnu ka Tila, the Delhi Tibetan colony. Something different. A more in depth view of exile life in India. Hoping it will lead to new contacts, new knowledge, eventually new material.

I aim to catch the bus from MT up to McleodGanj  at the start of the following week.

In all honesty, I can no longer remember what it was like, there. The feeling has left me. I am both eager and excited, but I am also nervous. I cannot really pick up where I left off. I will have different priorities, this trip. When I arrived last autumn, I was not looking for the specific things I am this trip.
This time, my goal is to find a Tibetan language tutor, and also someone who can guide me on the Buddhist path. Yes, I will still teach English conversation, but not at the same place...maybe only as a private tutor.

Mainly, I am looking for more details on the situation of Tibet in exile. I want to get a better feel for the views of the community regarding the future.

And, of course, I am hoping to further explore the interpersonal relationships which developed and meant so much to me.

One way or another, this trip will determine the course of the rest of my life.

After India, next spring I intend to spend 2-3 months in Nepal. Beyond that, nothing "concrete"...I would love to spend some time in Ladakh, maybe more time in MT, maybe back to Mclo...maybe something as yet unforeseen.

Over the coming week I'll be putting more effort into organizing what still remains to be done on the Everyday Exile project, which is still very much in planning stage.


To be honest, with less than 5 weeks til planned departure, I realize slowly slowly how much remains to be done. I've been in a holding pattern regarding planning, organizing, pre-trip shopping, and of course packing.
I really need to sit and breathe and figure out exactly what still needs to be done.
And then start doing.

Planning for India

Plans are progressing, although at the moment I feel more like I am just in a holding pattern.
I completed and mailed my India visa application yesterday. Barring complications, which I do not expect (but as a worrier...I am also worried they may arise), I should have the visa back by the end of next week.
When it arrives, we will buy my tickets.
I am planning to depart on 13 October and arrive in Mumbai the evening of the 14th.
I know all too well from last year that it will take as long as five days to recover from jet lag, so I plan to stay in Mumbai til at least the 21st, maybe as long as the 24th.
I've made some new contacts from Mumbai on twitter, so am hoping to meet them when I get in town.
I've begun preliminary planning for the trip to Delhi and on to HP.
I've also started with pre-travel shopping as there were so many miscellaneous things I could not find on my first trip that I really wished I'd had access to, such as Ziplocs, garbage bags, and anti-histamines.
I recall thinking it strange how easy it was to find some things and not others which seemed more everyday practical to me.
But then, nothing about India can be anticipated, except that something unexpected will surely happen!

I found my main notebook from the last leg of my first visit and was browsing through it last night. It also contains all my notes from when I first began studying Buddhism. A timely find. I've been so in need of resuming practice, and could not get my head around it. Now I can see how I did it the first time and get back on the path.

If all goes according to "plan", in less than seven weeks I''ll be on India round two! Cannot wait to see what happens this time, to visit all my friends, to explore new places and aspects...

Follow me.......

State of Shock

Quite frankly, I have gone numb.
I am sitting in the Delhi Airport waiting for a flight back to Mumbai which is still nearly 6 hours from boarding.
I am exhausted.
The bus ride down from McleodGanj was not horrible, but I cannot say it was "comfortable", and I may have had 4 hours of intermittent light sleep (dozing is more accurate) while sitting partially erect, head occasionally flopping off to the left.


I do have to say, the full moon over the Himalayan foothills and the soft pink glow of the peaks made my heart swell. 
And the line of lights that is McleodGanj, strung out along the hillside as we descended towards Lower Dharamsala...even remembering it now brings on a feeling I cannot describe (and you know how I love to describe).


So the full moon sailed over India and the bus chanted mantras all the way to Chandigarh...gears exactly the same timbre as the low monks' chanting emanating from temples and monasteries... 


Two Bollywood films played at the beginning of the journey, and then we stopped for dinner. I ordered one naan...one stinkin NAAN (a simple tortilla like bread)...and of about 40 people present, I was served dead last, and almost missed my bus! 
I think this was the universe reminding me of the lessons I learned (started to learn, apparently) in McleodGanj.
Either that, or it was "farewell Dhasa (Little Tibet)" and welcome back to India.
Back on the road, "Law Abiding Citizen" was popped in the DVD and played til after midnight.


There were then a few hours of quiet. On the plains, moonlight pierced a thin veil of smog, silhouetting tall leafless trees rising against a flat blue backdrop.


We stopped at a seedy Indian bus stand where the toilet watchman wasn't letting me get away with not paying the 2 rupee fee (I don't even think there is a US equivilent for 2 rupees, it's so low)...so I had to run back to the bus across the dirt through a crowd of leering Indian men...joy. Well, perhaps an American woman wearing a salwar, a khata, and Tibetan Buddhist prayer beads running with toilet roll in her hand was simply too much for them to comprehend!


At 4am, like clockwork, the bus drivers decided it was morning and Hindi music pervaded the coach, along with groaning from numerous seats.
My seat-mate, 70 year old Australian adventurer Pammy, disembarked along with most of the Tibetan passengers at Manju ka Tilla (the Tibetan colony in Delhi). I stayed on with maybe 5 other passengers bound for ISBT.


ISBT...the thought of it made me shudder. My only other experience with it was arriving from Jaipur after dark way back in late November. I remembered a huge, bustling, crowded, incomprehensible terminal with no signs in English and no English speaking help.
This stop? We were unceremoniously put out on the side of the road amidst a swirl of auto-rickshaws, drivers virtually grabbing luggage from travelers, shouting "Rikshaw? Auto rikshaw? Hotel? Airport?" My attempts at speaking full English sentences with them failed...again. "Airport? Domestic? Ek sau pachas?!  (150)" 
Oh hahahaha madam.
Ok fine I'll pay you the freaking 300 rupees just get me out of here! Two young local girls piled in with me and my bags and we careened off into the Delhi sunrise.


I could not see much out the "window", especially covered as it was by a whipping tarp which reeked of urine. I remember seeing the Air Force base and, as we neared the airport, a huge expanse of what looked like really nice apartments...until I realized that the entire expanse was abandoned. Pink and golden light filtered over the scene, softly high-lighting empty windows and what were once streets now filling in with weeds and dust. A bit surreal. 


So now I sit in the waiting area of terminal 1D, having stuffed myself on KFC (yes, that's right, KFC) and black currant ice cream, having bought an Elle Decor India magazine which I'm saving for the flight...people watching, uploading pics, killing time...


And mostly fighting off feeling. I cannot allow myself to really think about the past 48 hours, yet. About all the beautiful, kind, loving souls who came with me to the bus station to send me off, even ones who were going through emotional trauma much greater than my own...
I am incredibly blessed.


I am loved. I belong. I have a home in the Himalayas, and people eagerly awaiting my return.


THAT is what I came to find, halfway around the world from where I started. I never dreamed I would find it in INDIA, in a Himalayan hillside community where many of the people can only speak to one another with their EYES for lack of words in one another's languages...and where EYES speak far louder and more clearly than words...

January-February Compilation

(compiled from journal notes taken over the past month. Apologies in advance for any repetitions and disjointedness… )

Especially as my last week in McleodGanj (for this visit) begins, I often stand and stare out over the valley and mountains beyond and fall into a reverie…

I do not ever want to forget this time, these views, these feelings. No matter how much I look at the scenery, it seems almost mystical. I am not sure it would be engraved on my memory if I never came here again and somehow lost my photos…
What will I remember? The terraced hillsides, multi-colored buildings climbing haphazardly up steep slopes, the greens and yellows of unknown plants blooming the last 10 days of January, the way Triund and the peaks seemed to vanish and reappear from clouds, the brown rocky gashes where heavy rains carved down the slopes, dirt trails winding along the mountains’ contours…Indian villagers in multi-colored garments carrying baskets of stone or guiding their herds of goats and cattle…and most of all I will cling to the memory of Tibetan Buddhist monks with blood red robes wrapped and draped or flapping in the wind as they walk…
Why do those robes make me feel this way? I have a strong sense of sorrow and loss…Was I a monk or nun in some past life? Is that why I long to be around those shining round faces, why I feel so connected to their vibe? Did we walk arm in arm or lean on one another in some past life as we debated philosophy? Is that why I get such an intense feeling of longing and fascination when Geshe-la makes his debate gestures? Is that why I feel like I recognize Sakaya? Is that why I feel so incredibly sad when I think about leaving them? Is that why the chants mesmerize me?

I go through dramatic emotional shifts. I feel like I cannot stay here then like  I cannot go back to America. I feel like I will never feel “right”…I have glimpsed what I have been missing since childhood, and I cannot bear to give it up again, and I cannot bear to be here as a foreigner always on the outside looking in. I want what they’ve got, emotionally speaking…They all look so carefree. They all seem happy in spite of everything.
I have many “things” and nothing to which I am spiritually connected or accepted by.
I feel like I cannot do this another minute and yet I feel like I cannot leave.

And yet I WILL leave, in only 9 days. On the 10th day I will arrive back in Mumbai to a totally different world. I hope Titu understands and allows me a full day to get my head around being there…Or would it perhaps be better for me to leap fully back into life, there? To take the taxi to Colaba and shop and not be afraid of India like I was when I first got here…

I feel like even with all I have said in these pages, that there is SO much I have left unsaid. I feel like I have forgotten to write about many amazing moments, both deep and humorous.
One day there will be a book, if I can ever figure out how to put it together.
How to reconcile the hilarity and absurdity and amazing spirituality of all of this…

I cannot bear the thought of leaving these people. How can I explain to them that my life has been so lonely, that it has been years since I felt this close to anyone? How can I tell them that I will miss their companionship and openness and joking every single day? That my heart will feel so empty being so far away from them?
I love them all. I love every single one of them in some very deep powerful way. I love them selfishly AND unselfishly. I love them and I set them free. Letting them go their own way, not pursuing them…THAT is when they most want to be around me.
So…off with you, then, go do whatever it is you do when you are not “studying”. Your appeal does not lessen, it actually increases.  You are like exotic wild animals…beautiful and mysterious and always a little out of reach. And like wild animals, they are fun to watch, but you cannot keep them in cages, you cannot tame them.
Sometimes I am afraid of people because I am afraid of myself…I am afraid I am a freak. I am afraid they will see something in me that is unforgivable.

I want to transform this experience into BEAUTIFUL writing.
I want to write poetry and literature and somehow capture the essence of what it means to be here, changing my life, living loving and learning NOW…

How I will never forget:
Walking in the rain in the Himalayan foothills without an umbrella…being connected to all these other souls even though we do not speak the same language…
Learning to love without expectations…Learning how to let go…learning and forgetting and relearning…Learning forgiveness…and re-learning innocence… Trying to breathe and say IT JUST IS, IT IS WHAT IT IS, and everything is as it should be.
I mean, I am pretty blessed, right? I need to stop wanting MORE and enjoy what I HAVE…Sometimes it all seems so simple.

**India is quite possibly the strangest place on the planet.
10pm? Steam shovel? No problem.
Midnite? Welding? No problem.
5am? rooftop Bollywood party? Sure!
Unless, of course, it is something which actually NEEDS done, in which case…good luck.
“SYSTEMATIC CHAOS” Titu calls it when I tell him the above…
I have resorted to shaking my head. There is no point in resistance.
It really is just what it is.
I no longer hate it. I do not love it…but I accept it. I have made some kind of peace with it.
In some strange way, McleodGanj is really starting to feel like home.
I have friends here. I have PLACES. I am accepted…or at least tolerated.
I have come to belong.

Even though I know I will be back, leaving is going to rip me apart.

Crossing Rajasthan to Jaipur (rather rambling I fear)

I arrived in Jaipur a few nights ago after an unplanned trip across Rajasthan with my new couchsurfing.org host.

I was introduced to amazing scenes of luxury hotels as well as the wild hair-raising experience of "highways" in India and rural countryside which remains nearly unspoiled.

I asked endless questions and learneda variety of interesting facts about India.

I saw scenes of farming, and rural villagers going about their daily chores.

I saw impossibly over-loaded trucks on the highway, faced traffic conditions that would surely be fatal on the orderly western roads.

I'm really not sure what to express, in this entry, or how to convey my present emotional state.

I do not feel the level of inspiration I have felt in recent days, and as such am more "thinking out loud", so forgive my lack of eloquence.

I am tired, again, in my body and soul, and physically "under the weather" as my cold and cough have returned full force, and I am again experiencing a lot of digestive troubles despite eating mostly healthy (although in the past two days a lot of fried) food.

I have not had much chance to get out on my own and explore Jaipur. I've been relying on my guide, who I have been meeting in the afternoons. I've been afraid of being cheated, ripped off, misled, or otherwise duped if I venture out on my own. I do not understand so much about this place, still, even though I learn more every day.

India remains a truly FOREIGN country. I hate to become repetitive, but I can't express how true that feels to me.

How do you know if you are getting a fair deal, a true price (like a local would pay)?

How do you find your way around without a local's assistance?

I see other foreigners out walking, even young white girls on their own. Where do THEY get the confidence to venture out so boldly, to stand up to touts, to bravely face what to me seems an incomprehensible system of roads and alleys?

What do you do if you get lost? I'm afraid of looking lost and confused because that indicates weakness, which opens the door to being taken advantage of.

Self-confidence is an issue for me even on the relatively familiar ground of the USA.

Here, I am like a helpless child, lost and longing for someone to hold my hand.

And yet, I still feel the need to maintain my solitude, my independence.

I refuse to be tied down to someone else's expectations of how I SHOULD act, or to rely solely on one person for all my needs.

Jaipur seems to be a nice city, relatively speaking. There are many development projects such as modern shopping areas, broad and fairly clean urban streets, and a better sense of organization...insomuch as anything in India is "organized".

Still, there is an old city, and on roads in the outskirts, too, the jumble of bazaars threatens to consume the uninitiated outsider.

If I had a higher (say, triple my actual) budget, I would be less intimidated. I wouldn't have to worry about being overcharged a hundred rupees because a hundred rupees would be utterly insignificant. But for me, a hundred rupees more a day will mean running out of money long before the scheduled end of my tour.

I think it's time to sit down and do some serious recalculation of finances.

Is it really practical for me to stay here til the last week of March, or should I cut roughly a month off of this tour?

I can change or cancel train reservations easily, if need be.

I would ideally like to upgrade to nicer accommodations when on my own in guesthouses.

Right now it is looking like I "should" cut about 4 weeks off this trip.

The issue now is deciding what I can miss and what should seriously NOT be missed.

Perhaps two weeks in Varanasi is more than enough. Possibly the same for Dharamsala.

After all, what's the point in being here if I can't even enjoy getting out and about and exploring/seeing/doing things on my own?

I'd be better off hiding under a pile of magazines and cats in Florida for a few extra weeks til my WWOOF starts in April!

Beach House and British Expats

The past few days in Mumbai have been calm and yet full of interesting occurrences.

On Saturday morning Titu and I taxied down to the docks by Gateway of India and caught a ferry to a rural area north of Mumbai called Awas, where his family owns property. The ferry trip was interesting, with many families going for day picnics or weekends at their beach property. A group of college aged youth sang songs and had a drumming circle on the upper deck. Children played games while the adults snacked and chatted.

We sailed into the morning sun, making it difficult to see, but Mumbai's harbor (such as it is) was crowded with all manner of shipping vessels from around the globe as well as Naval vessels, fishing boats and private pleasure boats.

The trip to Awas takes about an hour, depending which type of boat you book on.

We arrived and disembarked at Mandwa .

Titu flagged an auto-rickshaw which took us away from the docks towards the actual village of Awas. En route we stopped for chai and a kind of battered potato fritter whose name I can never remember!

The rickshaw bumped along the rutted, crumbling road for about 15 minutes til we got out in the middle of what seemed like jungle. Through a gate, along a leaf-strewn dirt drive, we came to a series of arches and patios and the entrance to Titu's family "beach house" (about a 5 minute walk from beach).

As with so many buildings here, the beach house is redolent of former glory. Arched windows and carved elements but cracked walls and horribly peeling paint, utilities shut off or barely functional. The smell of decay...mold, mildew, dust...was literally suffocating.

No one lives there, anymore. A caretaker (husband/wife) lives on the property, but the house is not maintained.

Titu talked about renting it, or maybe turning it into a B&B, and I had visions of moving in, restoring it lovingly one room, one garden section at a time...

Illusions...delusions...

After he talked business with the caretaker briefly, we changed and walked to the beach, which was surprisingly clean and virtually deserted.

I collected a few shells and we splashed and floated in the Arabian Sea for about an hour before heading back to the house, where I was thrilled to be shown how to take my first ever bucket shower/bath!

You literally fill a bucket with water, get a smaller cup for a scoop, and pour cupfuls of water over yourself to bathe! Not highly effective, but good enough for short term purposes!

The trip back to Mumbai was quiet...Titu bumped into an old acquaintance and they talked about "the good old days" when Awas was much less popular with day trippers and the rich/land developers.

Saturday evening Titu left for a social event with some friends...apparently running with the rich and famous. I was invited but did not feel comfortable with the whole production. Reportedly some of the top names in Indian fashion and film (including 2 famous Bollywood stars) were there. Titu's friends, who invited him, are designers and ad execs and producers, if I understand correctly, so he has access to "the scene". (There is still so much I don't know about this man...I only knew him briefly in college and never once thought about him as anything other than a funny frat boy always cracking jokes in the dorm hall).

In ways I regret not having gone, yet now I can say "I blew off Bollywood!" and on yet another level I am just relieved I did not have to stay out til 3am!

While he was at the party, Titu phoned and suggested I go upstairs to meet his British neighbor who's lived in India since 1958!

I thought it would be a good chance to get a different perspective on all this madness, so I agreed.

What a fascinating experience! The man, who's name I'll keep private for him/his family's sake, was born and raised til age 13 in Alexandria, Egypt, moved to the UK during his teens, fought in WWII across Europe (including liberating concentration camps), and returned to India in 1958 with a British-based business.

He met his wife in Calcutta, and eventually they had 2 daughters, both of whom were raised in India.

He can be a cranky old man (well he is 86) but he has so many stories! At times he gets graphic describing war scenes or talks about wanting to die as all his friends are gone...but overall just a fabulously intriguing chap!

I want to write more about him, and yet cannot think of how to encompass it here, now, so will leave it for the (possible) book...

Today is Monday, Titu's at work, and I am locked in my room at his house trying to avoid the cleaning servant who should arrive any moment.

I just don't like to be bothered, and really would rather do the damn housework myself!

It's mostly cloudy today and "cooler" (in relative terms)...though 89, while not as bad as 98, is still pretty darn hot.

Thankfully a storm system is due to arrive either tonight or tomorrow, bringing 60% chance thunderstorms for several days as well as even lower temps.

I leave for Udaipur on the train Wednesday. I still don't know whether Titu himself can get off work to take me or whether I'll be going with one of the non-English speaking servants.

I have no idea how to find the station let alone the train platform!

Terror is setting in.

Next steps after finding the train will include:

keeping myself and my possessions secure during the 17 hr overnight journey,

making sure I get off at the right station in Udaipur,

finding the driver from the guesthouse there who is supposed to meet me with my name plackard at the station in Udaipur, and

getting settled up and settled in at Shiva Guesthouse itself.

In all honesty, I plan to cry a lot between now and Wednesday early afternoon when this next stage of my journey begins.

Titu has spoiled me horribly here in Mumbai, taking care of all my necessities and keeping me safe.

But all this is at an end.

From here on out, I am on my own, armed with only the most basic of Hindi phrases, and virtually no understanding of how to do things in this country.

I am super scared...will I even be able to communicate?

What if I cannot express my wishes/needs?!

Will I be safe?

What about my possessions? Should I leave my laptop here and rely on cyber-cafes the rest of this trip? If I do that...what about my photos? I won't have enough storage on my card for 4.5 months worth of pics. Plus much of my travel info is stored in emails or Word docs.

ARGH

I am also having serious concerns about money...knowing my budget is so limited. Any miscalculation now could be tragic when I get to the later stages of my journey.

This is all so confusing. What the heck was I THINKING, coming to India alone on a rock bottom budget?! Why didn't someone kick my ass before I got on the plane?

Acclimating but Not with Grace

I went out on a walk alone yesterday, once my host (from here on I'll call him my friend or by his nickname Titu) showed me a few places on my itinerary by having a taxi drive past them (he's very thoughtful that way).

Bought two varieties of spiced chai at Tea Centre...had a minor (ok somewhat more than minor) panic attack when I was told at their shop that a significant portion of my money was counterfeit! Out of 1500R they would only accept 1 note.

(long story short, found out later that for whatever reason they said so, this was NOT the case, the bills were fine...)

After leaving the Thomas Cook (foreign exchange) office, I walked to some pret-a-porter womens clothing shops where I purchased 2 kurtas (tunics) in plain earth tone fabrics to match the rest of my wardrobe.

I then wandered past University of Mumbai (fabulous architecture there!) and down one side of the maidan (literally "open field") where cricket matches are held.

I ended up in Colaba in a Indian Navy housing area where schools, a Catholic cathedral and lots of those old Victorian era (for my purposes meaning 1890s-1920s) once glorious mansions are crumbling in the tropical heat.

Great for photography!

I lost some of my fears regarding the people and was able to ask questions and answer people more easily when I was addressed.

I made my way to Leopolds where I had a mango lassi and some jeera pulao (cumin rice) for lunch.

Next, shopping at a few street vendors where I bought some paisley stationery with matching envelopes as well as a fabulous dupatta (type of traditional scarf) that matches my wardrobe.

Made a local pay phone call from a PCO (not sure what it stands for) where you put in a 1R coin for each 30 seconds talk time.

Then, hot and mentally wiped out, I found a taxi near the Taj Hotel and was delivered safely back to Titu's home across town for the grand total of 80R (less than $2).

Today I am a bit fatigued...female issues as well as needing some emotional/mental bounce-back time. I learned that I can do everything I need to do, but it is still a bit of an effort and I need some time to regain my interior fortitude before venturing out again.

Personal space/privacy and being able to live inside my own thoughts & feelings is a major issue for me. I am a quiet private person at my best...so being in a noisy over-crowded busy environment where my time is not really my own is a strain.

I just do not process life like so many other people do!

Conversation, especially with strangers, especially when I feel I'm being judged, is very difficult for me. Trying to relate to others whose thought patterns and social expectations are different is EXHAUSTING.

It's not that I find other people offensive, nor do I want to be anti-social. I just know I am not on the same level, I know I am not going to be understood, and I find having to watch what I say/do instead of just being as I am very draining.

I don't want to make a bad impression, but I can't keep up with certain ways of being/doing that I am expected to adhere to in certain circles!

All in all, things are improving. I do not claim to understand the way people interact here, even those of the same family or social status, let alone between classes/castes.

Which reminds me, I should mention, to give those back in the States or other western countries reading this more perspective, that although legally the caste system is no longer adhered to, it is still very much alive.

One small example:

Titu took me to a nice South Indian restaurant for lunch a few days ago where if it's busy you have to share your table with a stranger. While we were eating, a woman wearing elegant clothing and very nice jewelry came and sat at our table. She was very friendly, but after a few pleasantries she flat out asked him "Where is your family from? What is your caste?" and he answered without hesitation, as if it were the most normal question in the world.

This morning we went into a shop. You know, as westerners we walk into a shop and typically pick up what we like for ourselves and take it to the check-out. This was not an upscale shop, just a walk in bakery/mini grocery. But here, the customer tells the shopkeeper what he wants, then the shopkeeper tells an assistant who goes and retrieves it. We asked for bread, and a loaf was put into my hands. I simply thought it was for me to hold, but learned I was supposed to approve its freshness and then say whether it was acceptable!

So so much to learn! Am I truly up to this task? I hate making blunders! I hate looking like a fool! And yet, surely I can't be expected to know...can I?

Tomorrow, once I have rested and balanced out a bit, I plan to walk through a local shopping district here in Malabar Hill and over to Marine Drive...walk along the sea for a little ways...or maybe have Titu's taxi drop me somewhere along the seafront and walk back most if not all of the way...

Acclimating is a LONG Process

Acclimating to India is a LONG process. Maybe by the time my trip nears it's end I'll feel like I have somewhat gotten used to being here...if I'm lucky.

Everyone keeps asking if I'm having a good time. How on earth do I respond to that? Best to say I am not having a BAD time.

But so many factors come into play...

*Still not 100% recovered from jet lag, feeling better every day but still tired and sore. In addition, the oppressive heat (96-100F daily) and pollution (inc. noise pollution) are affecting my sinuses, sense of balance, appetite, sleep cycle and more.

*I am not sure I will EVER get used to being stared at so boldly with such a lack of friendliness.

On one hand, I am just trying to ignore it, just not really looking at people and doing my own thing.

On the other hand it is virtually impossible to ignore. You can't even walk in the park or to a high end tourist shop without causing a disruption.

*Language barrier...although many of my host's friends speak very good English, it is still spoken quite rapidly and with a very strong accent. Sometimes (I'm embarrassed to admit) I can't even tell when they are speaking English, especially when they mix Hindi and English phrases!

I have learned several words/phrases in Hindi, but don't have enough connective words to move from 'yes', 'no', 'thank you" and (my greatest achievement) "I would like some______", to actually expressing my own thoughts.

Culture barrier...there is no reference point here.

I can't stress enough how difficult this part is for ME, as I am super sensitive, self-conscious and anxiety ridden even in my own US surroundings at the best of times.

Here, now, even if I understand what's being said as far as the WORDS, the meaning beneath them can be vastly different, so I hesitate to engage in conversation.

More than anything else, this barrier makes me feel like bawling like a baby.

I feel like I cannot make myself understood (besides, most of time, with my host) and also cannot understand what's going on.

Other factors are, I am somewhat reliant on my host when he's off work for deciding a daily schedule. We've been napping in the worst heat every afternoon after lunch, sometimes til almost dusk.

I am trying to keep up with my thoughts and process my experiences here and in my written journal.

I am trying to work on editing and uploading my pics.

Still, my time is NOT fully my own. It would be rude not to dine with my host or chat with his friends and so on.

I suppose starting tomorrow I'll have a better perspective how I'll pass my time when it IS my own, as he'll be going back to work and I'll have most of the daylight hours on my own.

I am planning a few more walks especially in his general neighborhood, and also Marine Drive as well as Nariman Pt. and Ballard Estate (more "touristy" areas insomuch as Mumbai has touristy areas).

Time now to run errands...do some shopping...get a cell phone, some salwar kameez (clothing), maybe even buy some BEADS!

Forthcoming: descriptions of a local hospital, the thali lunch we had yesterday, and some typical sights and sounds of the area

Mappi Mumbai

I am here (under the A...zoom out for perspective)

View Larger Map

and you're not.

Happy Halloween from Mumbai.

It is an extraordinarily hot day, around 98F (33C ?).

I have been trying, obviously unsuccessfully, to nap.

I am still not over the jet lag, and my tummy is fussy.

We had lunch at a "street food" style (but higher quality, my host says) shop

called The Sweet People...items ate include panipuri,

samosa, bhelpuri (I didn't like the texture

of this one & let my host eat it), and bhajji.

YUMMY

After returning from lunch we both chose to nap out the rest of the afternoon!

Sunset begins around 15-30 minutes from now and I am pondering a walk in the

park beside the Arabian Sea, just around the other side of this apartment complex area.

Tomorrow the only plans I know of are lunch with host's grandmother and hopefully buy my

cell phone, which I was hoping to do today.

Monday I think we are going (by boat) to the family beach house at Awas, north of Mumbai.

Thus far on My journey

Namaste!
I arrived safely in Mumbai on schedule at 8:50pm on 28 October 2009. The flight was long but made less irritable by Continental's interactive individual seatback entertainment consoles. You can choose from hundreds of movies of all kinds, various musical genres on a personal jukebox, tv shows...even games for those so inclined!
After dinner and watching part of "Gandhi", I took some sleepy meds and drifted in and out of sleep for about 7 hrs out of the 14 hr crossing. We flew from night in Newark into sunrise, through the day above Europe...
Upon waking we were flying over Turkmenistan, and it was nearing sunset again. The flight map showed us passing over Afghanistan...Pakistan. I saw the lights of Kandahar and Karachi and to me it seemed weird to be flying over a war zone.

Breakfast was served shortly before landing, even though it was now night.

The airport arrival procedure was oddly simple. There was an H1N1 screening center but they didn't screen anything other than to ask if you had been to an infected country or had any symptoms. Even people who were coughing and sneezing answered "no" to the symptoms and everyone was cleared without question!
Then there was "customs"...again, no questions if you said "nothing to declare".
On to baggage claim, which took seemingly forever!
It was about 10pm when I finally followed the crowd into the Mumbai night...the airport just opens into an outdoor waiting area jam packed with people holding signs.
It took several minutes to find my host...I was starting to get really worried when I finally stopped looking at the crowd and looked UP...and there he was, laughing.
We were delivered back to his place in Malabar Hill (India's wealthiest neighborhood) by a chaffeur (one of his friend's drivers, he said) but in a tiny car!
We talked for a few hours...but it was dark, I was mentally wiped out, and not much sank in.
He showed me to my room (very cozy)...his 2 BR/2BA apartment is all very cozy and tasteful...and I slept off and on from midnight til 5am

But you probably don't want these mundane details.

Admittedly, I'm not quite sure what to tell you...not where to begin or how to encompass everything I've already observed the past 2 days.

I decided to start with what India is not, no matter how trite or slanted the following might sound.

1: India is definitely NOT the United States or even England or Europe, for so many reasons. Of course, I never expected it WOULD be, but you cannot conceive of the difference until you are in the midst of it.
I walked yesterday (more on that later) and in places there were no other westerners, and indeed at times I was stared at like they'd never even SEEN a westerner.
Despite being told it's easy to get by in English, I did NOT find that to be the case, even when asking uniformed guards or street policemen for directions.

2: India is not "modern" in the sense we know it. Yes, they have technology. Internet and cell phones and all that are pervasive, at least in Mumbai. But infrastructure is oddly antiquated...to my (decidedly uneducated) eye, the city is more or less still in the 1950s or thereabouts.
Wires are hanging everywhere, not hidden or underground. Even in the upscale apartment building there is an antiquated lift run by a "bell hop" of sorts.

3: India, or rather Mumbai (massive as it is) is NOT quiet, slow-paced, or peaceful.
Traffic is INSANE! While there are red lights and crossing lights, they seem to be interpreted more as very general guidelines than as rules. There are marked traffic lanes, but no one heeds , them. People step into oncoming traffic to cross, and in most places walk on the street with traffic (cars, auto-rickshaws, pony drawn carts,scooters, etc) to get where they're going (sidewalks are few and far between in some areas). And the cacophony of sound! WOW overwhelming! Drivers are constantly honking at other vehicles. At times it's impossible to tell who is honking at who or why, it's more like everyone just wants to be heard!
Honestly, for about 5 hours after getting out of traffic last night, I still heard honking echoing inside my skull!

4: The caste/class system, despite having been legally abolished decades ago, is still very much alive and in effect. The rich live in high rise apartment blocks. Between these "estates" are street dwellers, some in shacks, some simply sleeping on the pavement. Dogs and cats walk and sleep on the streets and sidewalks, oblivious to the movements of people. I even saw one dog trotting alone in the middle of a busy city street, like he thought he was one of the cars, like he thought he had to get somewhere after his work day, too.
To my American sensibilities, the divide between the classes, and the way it is perceived/addressed by wealthier natives, is unfathomable. Of course, I have the same problem in the USA, so that is more a personal issue than a cultural one.
I am not here to pass judgement, merely report what I have seen.

Having said all of that...India IS real, and I AM here for another 5 months!

I have a lot concerns and anxieties which I tried to address yesterday by having my host drop me off at Gateway of India. Within minutes I was accosted by half a dozen hawkers trying to sell tickets to Elephanta Caves, other local tours, food/drinks, souvenirs...even a "holy man" who dabbed red paint on my forehead, offered me some kind of round white sweet (probably sugar cubes) and tied a string on my wrist (I'm not sure what these are called) and then proceeded to ask me for 500rupees ($10US). I gave him a 50R note and apologized as honestly I had no clue and my entire daily budget was 500R. (I was later told by someone else that even a 50 was more than that man normally probably made in a full day and that I should not even acknowledge hearing anyone from now on...difficult!)

I walked from Gateway up to Victoria Station and was constantly stunned by the local realities. FILTH is pervasive. Everyone simply tosses rubbish into the street or water. In places you can smell raw sewage. Some people are living on a blanket on the pavement.
At Prince of Wales Museum, which I thought would be modern and classy, it was hot, stifling, and the Indian visitors were unruly and disrespectful, TOUCHING the ancient exhibits, pushing in front of foreign visitors who were trying to read what few (and often inaccurate) informative signs there were. At times I felt like I was the most interesting exhibit in the place, both men and women stared at me so openly, even though I was dressed VERY conservatively (unlike several other westerners I saw).
On the street, some children actually grabbed my hand as I passed them, saying "Hello America! Hello American" With the children it was easy to laugh it off. I also had a woman, older than me, start walking beside me and speaking in an Indian language or dialect, of course I had no clue what she was saying, I kept smiling at her and saying "I'm sorry I don't understand" and trying to politely walk ahead of her, but she'd hurry up beside me again and say something more.
I felt strange...embarassed...uncomfortable (like my space was being invaded).
I didn't want to offend her by walking away and yet...what else could I do? If I had stopped, EVERYONE would have surrounded me expecting talk or money.
Another disconcerting experience was the cafeteria (in reality a snack stand w/a drink machine in an open (filthy) courtyard at the museum. The locals have a few water taps and everyone shares the same cups (there were maybe 4 cups). Some poured the water into their mouths from above without touching their lips...others did NOT and drank direct from the metal cup). Children washed in the same sink. Even in the museum, some people were barefoot and covered in dirt.

My host wants me to get out on my own. To take the taxi in the daytime whether they speak English or not. To walk in his neighborhood, even the slums part. He says it is perfectly safe and that I need to get used to it. Which may well be true. But those of you who know me know that I have social anxiety issues even in places where I speak the language and know the customs.
The thought of venturing out on my own at this stage is terrifying.
I know it's all my own mental/emotional block and hopefully I can overcome it, but I am not going to rush into anything that feels unsafe emotionally.

At this moment, it is 11:30am. I have been feeling a bit queasy (light headed, mild nausea) this morning, off and on, and have a mild case of "Delhi belly". Awhile ago I had a nosebleed.
Hoping it is merely fatigue, jet lag...stress...and not something serious. I've been very careful to drink only bottled water and juice or soda...except for a few ice cubes in my drink at the club last night which my host told me were pure).
Of course, pure to him and pure to me might not be at all the same thing.

I've had very little appetite since arriving. Yesterday I ate 2 plain roti for breakfast and had chai and plain black tea, then some garlic naan at lunch, and a nice dinner of traditional Indian foods (all of which I've tried before in either US or UK) for dinner.
This morning, again, no appetite, had about half an apple so far today.

Other things of "note": I tried my frist yoga class this morning! My host has 2 friends and a yoga teacher come twice a week and I was able to do the stretching if not the correct breathing or meditation.

A "weird" moment occurred when I stood by Gateway of India looking at The Taj Hotel. Obviously it came to international attention last November when the terrorist bombings and shootings occurred there. From that side, there was virtually no evidence it had ever happened. The 5 star resort is open again and thriving. But it felt very strange, to look at it in person and know it was the scene of such tragedy and terror last year (like going to Ground Zero a few years after 9/11, on a somewhat lesser scale)
I always find it surreal to be on the scene of an event that I watched on the news at some point in the past, especially one where people died.

Later in the day I actually went into the Taj lobby, where I met some visitors from Israel who suggested we go to The Leopold Cafe around the block. As we sipped soda they pointed out a blackened gap in the building across the street...damage from the terrorist attacks the previous year, and reminded me that several people had died in the cafe right where we were sitting.

The Leopold itself is fabulous, a real international place, where western faces were prevalent. There seem to be a lot of Israelis and former eastern bloc countries represented, along with the British. I really liked it there, although I admit my reasons feel a bit prejudiced even to myself.
It was clean, the staff understood English, and prices were quite reasonable.
After leaving, on my way back to meet my host at our prearranged spot, I gathered enough courage to venture into a few of the shops (truth: only after I saw other tourists there), and even to ask about prices at a few of the street vendors selling lanterns and clothing.

This is probably the longest blog entry I have ever done and I still don't feel like I've even begun to scratch the surface of what I've experienced in just my first 36 hrs in India.

It's now just past noon and I'm getting progressively dizzier and more nauseated, so I'm going to try to sleep awhile.
Hopefully this is nothing serious but to be honest I really feel like CRAP!

APPENDED to add:
2:40pm have been unable to nap but thankfully feeling less dizzy/nauseated

Unfortunately, I have just found out about the new warning issued by US govt to Americans traveling in India re: new threats/potential for terrorist attacks targeting Americans & other westerners. We are to keep "low profiles", stay away from places frequented by westerners and avoid major tourist attractions!
UMM...right. Great. Fabulous.
Now what?
On one hand, I am seriously contemplating going to the US Embassy (in my general "neighborhood") to learn more and let them advise as to whether I should change plans, or even cancel them.
On the other hand, just this morning after yoga I was telling my host's friends how we cannot allow the threat of terrorism to ruin our lives! Of course as I was saying it I did not realize there were real new threats!

ZOIKS.
Yet another position I have never been in before, never dreamed I could/would be in.
Also debating whether to pass this news along to my family as I don't want to worry my mother unnecessarily.

As of now, my plans remain unchanged, although I suppose I will take whatever more small precautions I can (and hopefully this won't mean having to avoid Leopolds...but...)