Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Resistance and Release

Five days from now I will be leaving my heart's home.
I am experiencing the strangest blend of resistance and release.
I am trying to act like nothing is about to change...denial. And yet, I accept that it just is what it is and I am not going to rush around trying to do and see MORE.
There are fire poojas going on at His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama's Main Temple, here on what I've come to call "the corner of holiness and nowhere" (from where I write, at a wifi cafe overlooking life on the edge of the Himalayan foothills).
But instead of attending, instead of being curious, I stay in the cafe secure with my caramel latte and warm banana cake, uploading pics and interacting with my various social networks (both online and off).
This is my safe place. It is my home inside this town, having replaced LIT when we had our winter closure.

School is re-opened, now, just since yesterday. I had been looking forward to things getting "back to normal", meaning, back to the way they were earlier in my stay, when there was a comfortable routine.
But of course that is impossible.
Life is not static.
Even in the 5 (6?) weeks since then, so much has changed, internally and externally.
(the pooja must have ended...a stream of red-robed monks is flowing out of the temple, up temple Rd and into the short-cut to Jogibara Rd...some of my friends included...)
Some days they look at me, maybe look FOR me, they wave and smile and yet...they keep their distance. THIS has hurt. Yes, we are from different worlds. Yes, I am their "teacher"...but oh how I also long to be their friend, to be included, to be able to walk and talk with them as if language and culture did not divide us)...
That is the resistance part.

The release? Knowing in some part of my soul that everything IS as it should be and that what will be will be.
I learn that and forget every few days and have to remember...over and over and over.

I release the need to rush around and try to grasp at people and places and things...maybe partly because of the above, or party because I know in my soul that I will be back.
It seems like a long long time between leaving and returning and yet...I will hold everyone and everything alive in my heart and if it is my karma I'll be back before October!


  1. PLEASE do my country a favour of not returning back!leave those monks alone coz they are not there to appease your desires or turn your world around! We do not want another German case happening in Mcleod Ganj.People like yourself are the ones who stay over polluting the place with your hippy like lives and ideas and corrupt the simpleton minds of the locals in India. So just go back, find a cozy coffe shop in your country and worship the Dalai Lama or the monks from there. The peace we've known here in McleodGanj is being gravely disturbed by long staying foreigners like you who run away from their otherwise chaotic lives and hide in India-'teaching english'!It's high time that my government realises and starts cleaning out.Why don't you do the 'teaching' work in your own country or is everyone well taught there? If so then go to the african continent and help out. They need a lot of help there but PLEASE SPARE INDIA.I really hope that you DO NOT COME BACK HERE!

  2. What's in October?

    Curious that locals don't all appreciate the help being given to the local poor by 'teaching English'.

  3. Unfortunately there are a lot of angry young Tibetans who do not understand when westerners are on a true spiritual journey.
    I feel compassion for "Spirit". This is obviously someone who is really hurting. I will pray for them to feel peace and compassion towards all sentient beings.
    Yes, there are many foreigners here who fit the description he/she gives but anyone who knows me knows I am far from hippy-like, and knows that I want peace and simplicity more than anything.
    Om shanti

  4. :) Interesting. Just blogged about this on my new blog about my trip to India: (which will take place if all goes well in a year or so)

  5. KatinkaSpiritual: how much do you know about India? You been to Dharamshala ever? What's spirituality for you?Did you know the beggers in Pondicerry (a small town in Southern India) speak very good English and French? How do you think the poor in India is benifited by learning english?

    CrypticFragments: thanks for all your prayers and compassion.( very touching, moving and inspiring it is!). You know it's amusing to us most Indians (btw I'm Indian and not Tibetan)how adept the 'spiritual' westerners get at using pot and vedic words in India. Also the very fashionable phrase these days 'sentient beings'. Aha..So you are not the hippy like ya? I got to hear otherwise though. But one thing is for sure. You need therapy. Psychiatric help I meant. Your blog says it all lady. Thank you once again for your compassion and prayers but PLEASE PLEASE PLEEEESSE DO NOT COME BACK HERE!Go to Haiti, they need a lot of help, heaps of compassion and many prayers too (not kidding!).

  6. Sprit, I’m intrigued. Why do you so heavily dislike foreigners help in McLeod Ganj?

    People, such as this blogger, tend to go there to learn from both Tibetans and Indians about their culture. They then want to return the favour by teaching them skills which might be able to assist them in their future endeavours, such as setting up business in India or abroad. Do you believe that this sort of exchange is not useful?

    If it is not useful in a practical sense, it might be useful in terms of building stronger multi-cultural ties. In many Western countries, there is a need to bring awareness to the situation of Tibetans and the differences between India and Western countries. This prompts for more acceptance of Indians, many of whom go to Western countries for study, and avoids racial discrimination.

    Do you believe there is no benefits from these exchanges?

    Many people, such as this blogger, who “only teach English” leave McLeod Ganj, prompting the Tibetan cause and multiculturalism in their home countries.

    I am not being sarcastic, but I am genuinely interested in knowing why you have such a strong dislike of travellers volunteering in McLeod Ganj?

  7. Spirit, you are one angry xenophobe, dude. I also don't understand why you're so bothered about one person helping other people. What, just because she's not helping people who you approve of in ways you approve of?

    CrypticFragment, I'm happy for you that it's been a journey worthwile. :)