Some days I feel confident and excited. Others, numb with fear.
I've heard many negative things about India, especially as a woman traveling alone by train.
But, I am going to trust the kindness of people who want the world to think highly of them. And not expect things to be like they are in middle class America.
This is, after all (amongst other things), a quest to rediscover faith in humanity, if not faith in something greater.
Like a crazy woman, I plan to bathe in the Ganges at Haridwar and maybe Varanasi and pray in temples the names of whose Gods I do not know. But the holy places...the temples and ruins...are extras.
What I'm really looking for is some kind of emotional cleansing, a healing...
In some ways this has already begun, as I take steps every day to reclaim my life.
I have not yet let out all the grief...the pain of losing my family, my innocence, of drugs and alcohol, the deaths of my Granny and my uncle...being abused and harassed and threatened by co-workers in the park concessions/hospitality work world...
The pain of leaving behind almost everything REAL about me in order to have a roof over my head and some kind of income.
My promise to myself is that after I come home from this trip, I will never compromise my work or life goals again.
I'm not sure yet how I will accomplish this, but I have voiced my intention and know I must move forward.
The trip to India, and everything that comes after, are, more than anything, about being who I am and doing what I love!
This sounds exciting ... and, yes, I'd be nervous too. But I have a friend on the Search & Rescue team--a woman in her 50's--who traveled alone to India last year. She spent a month there. I'll have to look for the trip report and photos she posted ... somewhere. I don't believe she ran into any major problems, but she's good at avoiding them, too.
ReplyDeleteI was sorry to read of all the pain in your life, but I am so excited for your journey! I know it will be scary -- I know it already is! -- but I know it will be a blessing for you too. You are so brave, to take on the world in this way in order to live more authentically. I can't wait to read more of your blog!
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